A Superwoman Complex is: "A woman’s wish to be excellent at all her roles, that very often leads to psychological stress and feeling guilty toward family members or an expectation of being a superwoman that can and should do everything." She constantly needs to prove that she is smart, secure, strong and self-sufficient. Superwoman's biggest fear is failing. Asking for help is merely a sign of weakness and vulnerability is a reason to get hurt. When a superwoman has reached the end of her rope, she seeks redemption in ways that will only harm her more because by the end of the rope, she's numb and her hands are bleeding from holding on so tight because Superwoman is too cool for gloves and the pain is the only thing reminding her she's alive.
My Superwoman Complex was exactly that. I wanted to do everything myself (mostly because I didn't want to burden other people with whatever idea or task I had come up with). I also didn't trust many other people to actually pull through and help (mostly because very few did). But really, I just wanted to prove I could do it alone; to myself and to others. I eventually learned that I wasn't giving anyone or anything 100% and I was spiritually, physically and emotionally wearing myself out to the point where I was no longer passionate about the relationships, ideas or tasks at hand. I wasn't even "passionate" about getting out of bed in the morning. I started to allow things in my life that were unhealthy and I knew it but I didn't want to face it because those things were a relief and a constant reminder that I was only human. Until eventually over time, everything fell apart and I had no choice but to let it because I knew the grey areas needed color and the already colored parts deserved better.
It took a lot of alone time, God time, and just straight up hiding from the world (are you noticing the introverted trend?), to recuperate from the damage of my superwoman complex. I reset my priorities which meant letting go of a lot of personal dreams that were at the time, unreachable in my current "state". I had to strip myself down to nothing and allow God to rebuild me in His own way and time. And believe me...it was NOT as easy as it sounds. I had to let go of friendships, my independence, a ministry I had watched blossom from day one, and well, basically, an entire lifestyle. I fought the "letting go" process EVERY step of the way which only made everything hurt more because fighting a losing battle alone feels a lot like a bullseye with a million Robin Hoods on the other end of the arrows. Until one day, I found myself curled in a ball on my bed sobbing and begging God to make it stop. It must have been something in the severity of my tears and the desperation in my words that proved to Him I was ready and that finally relieved the pressure I had been feeling in my soul for months.
Since that moment, I feel peace and understand grace more than ever. I don't think I can even descibe what that literally feels like. It's probably different for everyone because it's this inner exhale of everything negative you've ever experienced in your life. And it leaves you with a new perspective on the bad things that one day you will be surprisingly grateful for having gone through.
So I guess, the moral of this story is, there is no dignity in having a superwoman complex because everything you attempt WILL eventually fail. The only thing we can control is whether or not to let go. But just to warn you...the longer you hold on the more broken and bloody you'll be.
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